Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Randomize
