Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
