woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
