are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
