She's JV to your varsity
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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