1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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