I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
