so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
this hospital has no fireball
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Randomize
