all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
