My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize
