We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
