dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
