Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
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