I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
