Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
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