So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
