I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
