her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
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I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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