i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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