i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
