To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
