I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
