the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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