Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
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