I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
This baby is an asshole
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
