The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
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