I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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