Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
A bitchslap is in order.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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