you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Randomize
