I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
She said her name was "party"
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
