can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
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