I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
