The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
