onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
