I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I feel like a drive thru vagina
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
