I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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