just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
