remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
