she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
