i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
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