Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
