But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
