Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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