i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
honey bunches of taint.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
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