I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
you never un-have a 4some
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
