You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
