just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?