I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Randomize
