Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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