Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
