i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
