I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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