I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
