Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
