Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
