Can i not drive my cunt home
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
