I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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