My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
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