I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
