I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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