I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
People with herpes should wear stickers.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Floor bacon is actually really good
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize