and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
