She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
