I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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