Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
