Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
