Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
