the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
