Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
