you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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