you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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