As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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