but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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